Day 52 – Reflections on Lock-Down

For most of today I continued to feel unsettled, with little energy and sluggish. My mood was flat and I was feeling fed up.  My motivation to do anything today has been little.  I reluctantly dragged myself off my sofa and out the house, to go for a run.

I have run the last two days in a row, so really shouldn’t be going for a 3rd day of running – but with my energy as it was – a long walk was not going to happen.  I just couldn’t face it.

So a run was what I did.  Mainly on the road, around Arthur’s Seat, 8km.  And my energy did increase afterwards and in fact I saw a few people afterwards in Easter Road who I knew, so that was really helpful.

During my run and now afterwards, I have found I have lots and lots of anger!

Anger towards my predicament.  Anger towards other people.

Yesterday I applied for the government grant scheme – Self Employed Income Support Scheme.  Only to be found that they will be paying half of what I had expected.  Mainly because, they considered the 2016-2017 year when I was working 4 days a week as an employee and just a little bit of self-employed work that made a loss.  That loss was included in the calculations of what I would get.

It feels unfair that the government used calculations of my self-employed work when in 2016-2017, when the majority of my income was as a PAYE.

For those of us, who have ventured into setting up our own business – and only just starting out.  This scheme is acting as a disadvantage towards us.  Is that really fair?

If they considered my last year of earnings (2019-2020) I would be fine.  As finally last year, my business was beginning to grow.  They say it takes 3 years for a business to start to grow – and that was spot on.  Those first 2 years were financially impossible!

Accumulating a lot of debt – now it feels like I am being punished for it!

As I went round Arthur’s Seat I was noticing loads of people walking together in couples and families – and wished that I was not living on my own.  I have never ‘seen’ all the people in couples and families since lock-down – when I am sure they have always been there.  So it made me realise, that the lack of contact with people is getting to me – otherwise, I wouldn’t have noticed them all.

As I ran, I felt anger rising up in me – anger towards the many people who are breaking lock-down.  I have heard of people living in Scotland who have this week ventured into England – to see family.  I realise that this is really hard for everyone, being in lock-down, not being able to see family and friends – but I personally am sticking to the Scottish Government message to ‘Stay at Home’.  It’s not easy doing that – in fact it is bloody hard.

But I am sticking to what Nicola Sturgeon is advising us to do, as I trust her opinion and I want to save lives and protect the NHS.  My anger is towards the many people who are ignoring this – and just breaking lock-down.  Why should I continue to suffer being in isolation and lock-down, whilst others are just doing what they want?!

Apologies for me expressing my anger on this blog!  The clouds in the above photos look angry too 😉

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This morning, Honey the Dog was super keen to go into Lidl.  She tried to drag me into the shop.  She loves all things that are bread – for anyone who goes to Lidl, you will know the smell of fresh bread from their bakery.

I am guessing this what Honey was drawn to 😉

After Chi Gong we went to the Ear Shop.  It is now open Monday’s and Thursday’s, 10am to midday.  When I saw the sign on the window the other day, I thought it said Monday to Thursday.  So both Honey and I were very disappointed yesterday when we found the shop was shut.

But today it was open, with a queue stretching down the road.  Only 2 people allowed in at one time.  We waited for 15 minutes in the queue – then I was getting cold – the sun had gone in.  So we went for a walk and just got in, as the shop was closing – but didn’t have to queue anymore.

Honey was super happy to get her ear.  Plus I bought her a big bone for her Birthday which is a week on Saturday (23rd May) (Day 61).

Check out the videos below:

 

 

This afternoon as I headed along Easter Road after my run, I passed St. Margaret’s Church, I passed Soul Food, which is hosted by Mustard Seed, set up initially by Rich Cornfield.  I’ve known Rich for a number of years.  When I first met him, he said his ideal work would be doing community outreach for the homeless.  This is now what he is doing with Soul Food / Mustard Seed.  Now it has become established, it feels like the lock-down has come along perfectly to fulfil Rich’s potential.  He has a real glow about him since lock-down.  I often see him as I walk along Easter Road out and about.

I also saw Rachel who has booked me a couple of times for magic gigs.  She said she was enjoying reading the blog.

It’s really lovely to hear more and more people who are reading it.  It can be a lonely time pumping out approximately 1500 words a night.

A few weeks ago, a guy who past me on Easter Road shouted “Hey Jim – loving the blog“.  I didn’t know who he was, but probably someone who knows my magic, follows me on Facebook and has been reading the blog.

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A few fun things to share.

I saw this a few days ago on Facebook.  Put together by musicians at Bolingbroke Academy (in London) to keep spirits up in lock-down.  I really like this:

 

Also for all you celtic music fans!  Here is an arrangement of Aird Ranters from Douglas Montgomery and his Orchestra.

 

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Readers Corner

There seems to be a quietness on blog comments and sharing for Readers Corner.  Perhaps everyone is finding where we are at with lock-down hard?

 

Helen

Helen messaged me this morning, with the following.  Her profile photo is of the view from the back of her house in Sweden:

Sorry to hear about your anxiety. I think it’s only natural with everything that’s going on at the moment. Thanks for sharing so openly. I don’t think you’re the only one, and it brings a lot of comfort to other people, just knowing they’re not alone with their anxiety.

Thanks Helen for your words of comfort.

 

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So as I come to the end of this blog, I still feel angry, but maybe a little calmer now that I had a rant at the start of this blog!

Please do check out the wee quiz that I shared in yesterday’s blog.  I know I am not very good at developing quiz’s, but would be great if you could give it a go!  Here are the login details below:

To access the quiz – https://www.classroomclipboard.com/837078/Test/C6F786DA-A9BC-45C4-83DF-A0249447EDE8

The password is – 8KLJ

The answers and people’s scores will be shared tomorrow.

I wonder if anyone else is feeling unsettled with the changes that are taking place at the moment with lock-down, in the UK, Scotland, Europe and the world?

I certainly have gone through a whole host of emotions in the last few days.  It feels like everything has been stirred up for me again – like at the start of lock-down.  Only now, it has been going on for a lot longer!

Oh and don’t forget Weeks 8-14 are on the radio tomorrow (Friday) at 8pm.  You can listen by doing an internet search for ‘Deepness Dementia Radio’ or click on this link – https://s3.radio.co/s6503b8fbd/listen

Stay Safe.

Thanks for reading.

Lots of love

Jim xxx

 

 

 

 

[WORD COUNT – 1374] [TODAY’S PHOTOS – 9]