For most of today I continued to feel unsettled, with little energy and sluggish. My mood was flat and I was feeling fed up. My motivation to do anything today has been little. I reluctantly dragged myself off my sofa and out the house, to go for a run.
I have run the last two days in a row, so really shouldn’t be going for a 3rd day of running – but with my energy as it was – a long walk was not going to happen. I just couldn’t face it.
So a run was what I did. Mainly on the road, around Arthur’s Seat, 8km. And my energy did increase afterwards and in fact I saw a few people afterwards in Easter Road who I knew, so that was really helpful.
During my run and now afterwards, I have found I have lots and lots of anger!
Anger towards my predicament. Anger towards other people.
Yesterday I applied for the government grant scheme – Self Employed Income Support Scheme. Only to be found that they will be paying half of what I had expected. Mainly because, they considered the 2016-2017 year when I was working 4 days a week as an employee and just a little bit of self-employed work that made a loss. That loss was included in the calculations of what I would get.
It feels unfair that the government used calculations of my self-employed work when in 2016-2017, when the majority of my income was as a PAYE.
For those of us, who have ventured into setting up our own business – and only just starting out. This scheme is acting as a disadvantage towards us. Is that really fair?
If they considered my last year of earnings (2019-2020) I would be fine. As finally last year, my business was beginning to grow. They say it takes 3 years for a business to start to grow – and that was spot on. Those first 2 years were financially impossible!
Accumulating a lot of debt – now it feels like I am being punished for it!
As I went round Arthur’s Seat I was noticing loads of people walking together in couples and families – and wished that I was not living on my own. I have never ‘seen’ all the people in couples and families since lock-down – when I am sure they have always been there. So it made me realise, that the lack of contact with people is getting to me – otherwise, I wouldn’t have noticed them all.
As I ran, I felt anger rising up in me – anger towards the many people who are breaking lock-down. I have heard of people living in Scotland who have this week ventured into England – to see family. I realise that this is really hard for everyone, being in lock-down, not being able to see family and friends – but I personally am sticking to the Scottish Government message to ‘Stay at Home’. It’s not easy doing that – in fact it is bloody hard.
But I am sticking to what Nicola Sturgeon is advising us to do, as I trust her opinion and I want to save lives and protect the NHS. My anger is towards the many people who are ignoring this – and just breaking lock-down. Why should I continue to suffer being in isolation and lock-down, whilst others are just doing what they want?!
Apologies for me expressing my anger on this blog! The clouds in the above photos look angry too 😉
This morning, Honey the Dog was super keen to go into Lidl. She tried to drag me into the shop. She loves all things that are bread – for anyone who goes to Lidl, you will know the smell of fresh bread from their bakery.
I am guessing this what Honey was drawn to 😉
After Chi Gong we went to the Ear Shop. It is now open Monday’s and Thursday’s, 10am to midday. When I saw the sign on the window the other day, I thought it said Monday to Thursday. So both Honey and I were very disappointed yesterday when we found the shop was shut.
But today it was open, with a queue stretching down the road. Only 2 people allowed in at one time. We waited for 15 minutes in the queue – then I was getting cold – the sun had gone in. So we went for a walk and just got in, as the shop was closing – but didn’t have to queue anymore.
Honey was super happy to get her ear. Plus I bought her a big bone for her Birthday which is a week on Saturday (23rd May) (Day 61).
Check out the videos below:
This afternoon as I headed along Easter Road after my run, I passed St. Margaret’s Church, I passed Soul Food, which is hosted by Mustard Seed, set up initially by Rich Cornfield. I’ve known Rich for a number of years. When I first met him, he said his ideal work would be doing community outreach for the homeless. This is now what he is doing with Soul Food / Mustard Seed. Now it has become established, it feels like the lock-down has come along perfectly to fulfil Rich’s potential. He has a real glow about him since lock-down. I often see him as I walk along Easter Road out and about.
I also saw Rachel who has booked me a couple of times for magic gigs. She said she was enjoying reading the blog.
It’s really lovely to hear more and more people who are reading it. It can be a lonely time pumping out approximately 1500 words a night.
A few weeks ago, a guy who past me on Easter Road shouted “Hey Jim – loving the blog“. I didn’t know who he was, but probably someone who knows my magic, follows me on Facebook and has been reading the blog.
A few fun things to share.
I saw this a few days ago on Facebook. Put together by musicians at Bolingbroke Academy (in London) to keep spirits up in lock-down. I really like this:
Also for all you celtic music fans! Here is an arrangement of Aird Ranters from Douglas Montgomery and his Orchestra.
Here is an arrangement of Aird Ranters from Mr Montgomery and his Orchestra. Parts have been sent out via Glow mail, Seesaw and Teams, enjoy. Disclaimer – No fun was had making this video.
Posted by OIC Instrumental Music Service on Tuesday, 12 May 2020
There seems to be a quietness on blog comments and sharing for Readers Corner. Perhaps everyone is finding where we are at with lock-down hard?
Helen messaged me this morning, with the following. Her profile photo is of the view from the back of her house in Sweden:
Sorry to hear about your anxiety. I think it’s only natural with everything that’s going on at the moment. Thanks for sharing so openly. I don’t think you’re the only one, and it brings a lot of comfort to other people, just knowing they’re not alone with their anxiety.
Thanks Helen for your words of comfort.
So as I come to the end of this blog, I still feel angry, but maybe a little calmer now that I had a rant at the start of this blog!
Please do check out the wee quiz that I shared in yesterday’s blog. I know I am not very good at developing quiz’s, but would be great if you could give it a go! Here are the login details below:
To access the quiz – https://www.classroomclipboard.com/837078/Test/C6F786DA-A9BC-45C4-83DF-A0249447EDE8
The password is – 8KLJ
The answers and people’s scores will be shared tomorrow.
I wonder if anyone else is feeling unsettled with the changes that are taking place at the moment with lock-down, in the UK, Scotland, Europe and the world?
I certainly have gone through a whole host of emotions in the last few days. It feels like everything has been stirred up for me again – like at the start of lock-down. Only now, it has been going on for a lot longer!
Oh and don’t forget Weeks 8-14 are on the radio tomorrow (Friday) at 8pm. You can listen by doing an internet search for ‘Deepness Dementia Radio’ or click on this link – https://s3.radio.co/s6503b8fbd/listen
Thanks for reading.
Lots of love
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