The day started good, with lots of energy, positive mood and motivation, but my energy plummeted in the early evening and so did my mood. And that empty feeling – the empty space returned. But then after Bedtime Chi Gong my energy and mood has increased.
It’s interesting how my energy fluctuates so much during this lock-down. It reminds me of what I shared yesterday in relation to Five Rhythms Dancing. The key, is not to get too caught in the moment, reminding myself “this too will pass”.
On my 5 km run this afternoon, well at 5pm. I reflected on the day and felt a feeling of fear and un-comfortableness arising. As I explored the fear, I realised, that over the last few days there has been a growing sense of ‘normality’ growing inside me. I’ve been aware of it, gradually arising. Today, life felt “back to normal”. I had three work meetings and some work emails – actually doing some work.
I worked pretty much all day, until I realised I hadn’t taken a break and Honey the Dog’s persistence to go outside was intensifying. So I stopped work and headed out for a run.
Why fear to have work and earn some money and return to a feeling of “normality”? I think it is because, I have enjoyed the ‘unsteady ground’ I have been on. The uncertainty of the future. Living on the edge, unsure how I will cope. It has kept me alert. It has kept me in the moment.
I am scared, of returning to “normal” life. It feels, like the last few years, life has been flying by and I have stopped moving towards anything, just existing. Putting my dreams on-hold. I have been living in a ‘comfort zone’. Trying to earn money, build a business and exist.
In the last few weeks, I have been thinking about “my dreams”. Things I have always wanted to do and thought “Yes, go on Jim. You can go and do these, you can go and live them”. My main dream, for as long as I can remember, has been to live by the sea. To get away from the anonymous living in the city, live near the sea, have a partner and be more connected with people in that community.
I had a plan a few years back to move to Portobello – the nearest seaside place from Edinburgh. Only three miles from where I live. I was really fixed on this and started making plans to move there. But alas, ‘life’ got in the way and here I am still living in the city. It feels everytime I make that decision, it never happens.
Back in 2007, when I first became self-employed, working in the mental health field. I came across a person-centred planning tool called PATH (Planning Alternatives for Tomorrow with Hope). In fact, I used to deliver mental health training to practitioners in how to use this tool for people using mental health services.
You start listing all your dreams, without limits. All the things you’ve even wanted to do – it doesn’t matter if they are possible, just to list them all and get them out there on paper. Then you choose a few that you are going to work towards and put these as your goals, to achieve in the next 12 months. Then you identify your Strengths to help you achieve these. Also, who else can help you. Then break it down into smaller goals, 9 months, 6 months, 3 months, and now. You can also identify your fears/nightmares in achieving your goals.
I did one of these back in 2007 and it helped me move towards my dreams, with a plan. One of the 6 month goals was to move back to Edinburgh. I had a bit of a wobble leading up to this and thought “maybe I will stay in Glasgow”, where I was living. But then I remembered, my PATH and reminded myself that was the plan. A few years ago, I found the PATH again. I had achieved all my dreams! Dreams without limits. Dreams back then that seemed impossible to achieve. But I achieved them all. How amazing is that!
By having a plan to move towards something, it gave me that continuous movement – to keep moving – to keep the energy growing. Just like Ya’Acov had said in the Five Rhythms Workshop, which I shared yesterday
Maybe, also by putting it all down on paper – one gets help from the universe in ‘manifesting’ or ‘cosmic ordering’ them? Who knows.
But by writing today’s blog, I have decided that I need to do another one.
So I am writing it here – so I can hold myself accountable to writing one!
As I browse my bookshelf to find something I can finish this blog with. I see a book I haven’t opened for many years, it’s called ‘A Guide for the Advanced Soul‘ by Susan Haywood.
The instructions on the front of the book says – “Hold a problem in your mind open this book to any page and there will be your answer“….I do this – and find the book is opening naturally at one page, but also at another couple of pages. I cheat and read them all three pages!
So I will share them with you here to finish the blog.
Oh – and for anyone who wants to come along to Chi Gong – at the bottom of this blog are the login details.
Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too.
All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favour all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way.
The other two quotes:
Change is never a loss – it is change only
Life is full and overflowing with the new. But it is necessary to empty out the old to make room for the new to enter.
Thanks for reading.
DAILY MORNING ZOOM CHI GONG
Monday 6th April to Friday 10th April @ 09:10 (UK time)
(lasts 25-30 minutes)
(I will be in the Zoom Room from 08:45 for anyone who needs help with set up or want to just say hello).
Join Zoom Meeting
Meeting ID: 362 232 526
DAILY BEDTIME ZOOM CHI GONG
Monday 6th April to Friday 10th April @ 22:10 (UK time)
(lasts 25-30 minutes)
(I will be in the Zoom Room from 21:45 for anyone who needs help with set up or want to just say hello).
Join Zoom Meeting
Meeting ID: 780 129 625