The feeling is back – that something is missing. It’s been lingering most of the day.
I have been re-reading Helen’s words – it does feel like an empty feeling. A feeling of emptiness.
It’s a feeling I am not familiar with and does not feel very comfortable. I have been trying not to push it away. Not to fill it with something. But it is a feeling I am not liking very much.
The only time I can potentially relate to feeling it, is when I have attended silent meditation retreats. However, at them, I was expecting things to arise that were less comfortable. With a knowing that I was doing a meditation retreat. Which had an ending to it. An ending which I knew was coming.
This feeling, is unfamiliar because I am living my everyday life. As we don’t know how long this lock-down is going to go on for, there is no defined ending to it all.
Following on from yesterday’s blog, about being ‘human beings’. I wonder, whether what I am connecting to – this empty space – is what it is truly to be human?
Glenn Roberts posted an interesting point on the comments at the end of yesterday’s blog. He suggested, that perhaps one of our recurring mistakes is that we too easily think of the world, including ourselves, as objects rather than processes…So…to really be a human being…is to be a verb not a noun…To be a human…Being.
It makes sense!
Perhaps what I am starting to experience and feel – is my / our truer sense of being?
As usual, I am drawn to the books on my book shelf to try and find words of others who have experienced this and described it.
I have found myself, being drawn to some of the many books that I have read on death and dying.
Many of these books explore ‘Who Am I’, and what is left behind when we die. As we progress towards the moment of dying, we strip away all the ‘stuff’ of life and connect to our true being. By exploring all this now, before we are sick and dying, we can begin to live more consciously and of course, when the ending nears, we can die more consciously.
One inspirational book is by Stephen Levine, called ‘Who Dies? – An Investigation of Conscious Living and Conscious Dying‘. This is such a rich book, but as yet, not found a quote that is meaningful for today’s thoughts.
Another great book, is called ‘Awakening The Heart – East / West Approaches to Psychotherapy and the Healing Relationship‘, edited by John Welwood. But also, nothing jumps out for me.
But I have found a quote, from a wonderful book called ‘Grace and Grit‘ by Ken Wilber. The book takes you on a journey with Ken and his beloved Treya Wilber, who has a diagnosis of cancer. Throughout the book, there are extracts from Treya’s journal as she faces cancer, spirituality and eventual healing. This is an extract from the book, taken from her journal. I think it touches on what I / we have been exploring in the last few days:
“I have a body, but I am not my body. I can see and feel my body, and what can be seen and felt is not the true Seer. My body may be tired or excited, or sick or healthy, heavy or light, anxious or calm, but there has nothing to do with my inward I, the Witness. I have a body, but I am not my body.
I have desires, but I am not my desires. I can know my desires, and what can be known is not the true Knower. Desires come and go, floating through my awareness, but they do not affect my inward I, the Witness. I have desires but I am not desires.
I have emotions, but I am not my emotions. I can feel and sense my emotions, and what can be felt and sensed is not the true Feeler. Emotions pass through me, but they do not affect my inward I, the Witness. I have emotions, but I am not emotions.
I have thoughts, but I am not my thoughts. I can see and know my thoughts, and what can be known is not the true Knower. Thoughts come to me and thoughts leave me, but they do not affect my inward I, the Witness. I have thoughts but I am not my thoughts.
Then affirm as concretely as you can: I am what remains, a pure centre of awareness, an unmoved Witness of all these thoughts, emotions, feelings and sensations.”
Today, has been interesting and tiring. I didn’t get to sleep till 1am – but was up by 8am, ready for my first Daily Zoom Chi Gong session at 09.10am, this morning. Eight people came along – it was lovely to see lots of faces that I haven’t seen for a while or many years. Surprised, that more people came along, especially as it was quite late when I posted about it last night. There were some sound problems (of mine), I couldn’t hear anyone – although they could hear me. I think I have fixed that now.
Some friends, who were planning on coming along, but didn’t, mainly due to not being out of bed in time, suggested a later session as well. So I have now added – BedTime Chi Gong at 10.10pm.
So my day started and ended with Chi Gong. If you are wanting to come along tomorrow (Friday 3rd April) I have included the links at the bottom of this blog.
I was super tired and then went for a sleep at lunchtime, then a run in the afternoon.
Before starting this blog, having a Clap for the NHS at 8pm and then Chi Gong again.
Thank you to Helen, for her comment on Thursday’s Blog for the remaining answers the Film’s Quiz. How did you get on with the Capital City’s? I will post the answers tomorrow.
This video has been circulating round the internet for the last few days. It is on Facebook, but do check it out – It is lovely!
This is the last one we are going to do on a lockdown theme, but it felt very apt. And it might be just in time to cheer up some friends and family who have had – or are about to have – birthdays, all by themselves. Decided to include a bit of the intro so that you can see what kind of madness Danielle Marsh and I would be dealing with, if we didn't occupy them with music making…Hope everyone out there is doing okay.
Posted by Ben Marsh on Sunday, 29 March 2020
As I come to the end of today’s blog, I reflect on where I am at. We are now on Day 10 – and into double figures!
I came up with the idea to write a blog, to have a record of experiencing lock-down.
I didn’t know if anyone would read it or would be interested in it.
I didn’t have a plan on how I would write it – except my journey – with some lighter parts in it as well. But it feels like it is evolving into a beautiful journey. I value the points people make, through comments, communications with me, etc…
Please do keep sharing your thoughts and inspirations. I mull over them through the day and it helps shape my exploration.
It feels like I am no longer on this journey alone. I am on this journey with many of you who read this regularly.
I feel totally touched that we can share this journey together and look forward to continuing the sharing .
Daily Morning Chi Gong – Friday 3rd April 2020 – 25-30 Minutes
09.10am – I will be in the Zoom Room from 08.45am.
Join Zoom Meeting
Meeting ID: 403 202 719
BedTime Chi Gong – Friday 3rd April 2020 – 25-30 Minutes
22.10pm – I will be in the Zoom Room from 21:45pm.
Join Zoom Meeting
Meeting ID: 991 544 213